I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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