Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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