very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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