yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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