I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
