Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
