I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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