the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
