look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
