hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
