I think I am morally bankrupt
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
