I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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