how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
