party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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