I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
