I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
