i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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