we're blogging at a bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
