you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
