Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
