Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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