is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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