LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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