wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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