he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
