I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
