So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it because I queefed?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
