i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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