im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
