SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A bitchslap is in order.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
