he wants to bone in the snuggie
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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