You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
