I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
