kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
