Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
