When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
