We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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