There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm at about main and main street
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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