barbara walters just said penis...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
two words...techno handjob
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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