if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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