win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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