I hope mine doesn't look like that
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
