Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
