I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
