the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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