All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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