i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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