I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
