I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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