The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
