i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
