I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
